12 Reasons Why We Vilify

FlagFightA recent debate on my Facebook page raised the issue of whether there is a double standard among Progressives as to where and when indictment of political opponents is warranted. Taking this a step further, the discussion evolved into the appropriateness of vilification of someone’s opponent in an argument, and whether that vilification was one-sided with regard to political party leanings.

I have my opinions on this, but I want to set them aside for a moment and simply delve into the issue of vilification as the outcome of disagreement, and how we devolve to that extreme.

As a noble sidebar, let’s take a quick run down a philosophy bypass in summarizing the works of Soren Kierkegaard, a 19th-century Danish philosopher largely focused on making sense of his devout Christian faith in an increasingly modern and existential world. Kierkegaard suggested we live our lives in three realms: the aesthetic, where we act simply in our own interest and do whatever we enjoy; the ethical, where we act according to agreed laws to avoid punishment; and the religious, where we do what is right in an absolute sense because we see no other acceptable alternative. From the religious realm, comprehensively embracing the tale of Abraham’s test by God to sacrifice his own child, Kierkegaard describes faith ultimately as an absurdist paradox. You believe or you don’t. You don’t owe anyone an explanation because you decide in your heart what God believes is right.

You don’t have to buy Kierkegaard’s framework to apply it. You simply have to understand that our values are substantially derived from the religious realm as he describes it, regardless if we consider ourselves traditionally religious. They are belief sets we acquire however we acquire them, and we don’t feel we have to justify them to others. Returning to the realm of the politicalthe ethical set of laws we choose to accept in our Constitutionally defined secular societymy sense is that our act of vilification emerges with the full erosion of our shared values. If we don’t have enough places we agree on critical laws reflecting deeply held values, then the opposition to our views becomes moral and absolute vs. legal and relative.

Consider some examples: Whether taxes should be increased 2% or 4% is essentially an intellectual argument where we are unlikely to vilify someone who disagrees with us. Whether health care is a human right or an imposition of authority is less intellectual, so we become emotional. Whether a woman’s right to choose is absolute or controllable takes us to fundamental beliefs, where the opposition becomes the enemy. The more we disagree at the fundamental level, the less we have in common and the more we reject the opposing argument as an assault on our basic living principles.

Here’s the rub: Without a set of some shared values embodied in our ethical laws, we can’t be much of a unified, strong nation. This is a danger of our profound experiment in democracy, and at the moment I believe we are fully putting it to the test. If you extrapolate the tenor of our current discourse to the full extreme, where all we can do is vilify one another because we cannot find a set of shared values, we might indeed be one national crisis away from ending our time in the sunno matter how many nukes we have in our inventory, or how many gold bars we have in our repository. Call it the challenge of WWIII, or perhaps an economic meltdown without a reachable escape hatch. If we can’t find the shared values that lead us to an agreed solution with a clock ticking, everything we have accomplished together to date becomes a footnote.

How scary is it, and how much do we cross into each other’s most sacred space? Consider this starter list of how little we value in each other’s convictions:

  1. We don’t agree on a woman’s right to choose.
  2. We don’t agree on the universality of health care.
  3. We don’t agree on how to deploy military forces in the Middle East or otherwise around the world.
  4. We don’t agree on the basics of immigration reform, or for that matter, who can or can’t enter the United States, short or long-term.
  5. We don’t agree on gun control, with our interpretations of the Second Amendment light years apart.
  6. We don’t agree on how to address poverty and homelessness in our own nation, let alone abroad.
  7. We don’t agree on how to address controlled substances, or whether the war on drugs is worth continuing in anything resembling its current form.
  8. We don’t agree on where to set minimum wage, or if a minimum standard of living should be possible if minimum wage is what one earns working full-time.
  9. We don’t agree on who has the right to be married, even though the Supreme Court has ruled on it.
  10. We don’t agree on climate change, whether it is a scientifically proven global concern, and if it is, how much a priority it should be for U.S. business policy and financial attention.
  11. We don’t agree on what constitutes a basic education, or what we can hope to expect in the form of presumed literacy and interpretation skills by the time a person reaches adulthood and takes on the responsibilities of independent living.
  12. We don’t agree on an approach to reasonable tax reform or the proper tax structure for the rich, the middle class, or the poor.

That is an awful lot that drives us apart. All of those involve valuescurrently reflected in lawsthat we do not seem to share or want to share.

So my ultimate two questions are simple: What shared values do we maintain as a vast majority? And if we can’t find enough of them, where do we go from here?

Perhaps we still maintain shared values around the hope that our children will thrive, our government will remain in humble service to the people who select its leadership, that charitable activity will be lauded, and that criminal activity will be addressed with justice. Yet even as I form those thoughts, I am inevitably driven to the specifics of definition and implementation, and find us back at war among our various convictions about how we bring such affirmative notions into everyday reality.

I guess in the end there really aren’t 12 reasons we vilify. There’s just one: We vilify when we fear the imposition of someone else’s will on our own that crosses the bounds of our most cherished values. Daunting challenge to overcome, don’t you think? And as we let it get out of hand and don’t find a way to bridge the gap, the likelihood that we can find any unifying shared values at all diminishes in our anger and ultimate silence. That’s when we lose everything, and damn if we don’t seem to be hell-bent on flushing away almost 300 years of what we thought was shared progress.

Sometime when I listen to the anonymous, unfiltered invective swelling all around me, I wonder if we ever truly shared it at all.

_____

This article originally appeared on The Good Men Project.

Photo: Luis Sinco / Los Angeles Times.

The Trump Thing

Are there any queers in the theater tonight?
Get them up against the wall!
There’s one in the spotlight, he don’t look right to me,
Get him up against the wall!
That one looks Jewish!
And that one’s a coon!
Who let all of this riff-raff into the room?

– Pink Floyd, The Wall

Pink Floyd The Wall

It is almost impossible to believe that a material segment of our population has grown so disaffected and so ignorant that they can cheer on the repugnant egomaniac that is Donald Trump. There are no two sides to this one, nothing to argue. Just go away if you think otherwise, we have no common ground.

Hate is winning. Candor is being confused for stream of conscious bigotry. Trump is a spoiled man-child with deeply psychotic tendencies. To support him is the antithesis of patriotism; it is an expression of self-victimization, nothing more.

This is not about whether Trump wins or loses his party’s nomination, or even the Presidency. It is about the reality that we live alongside an enormous segment of the population that finds him credible and inspiring. That takes our common ground to zero. Trump may lose, but his supporters have shown us who they are and what they believe. How do we reconnect as a nation with values that shattered?

It’s not really Trump himself that’s keeping me up nights. It’s all the public venom he is unleashing. He’s making it vogue to gather in the name of Us and Them. He has proven that our education system has utterly failed in establishing even a basic shared vocabulary and understanding of ethical purpose. He causes people to believe that “saying whatever’s on your mind” is the same as “telling it like it is.”

Expressing a foul thought unedited and unsupported, loudly and repeatedly, bears little resemblance to making it true. It is bad theatera poor stage performance without disciplinenot intelligent and useful discourse.

A hundred years of socially progressive advancement is going out the window in favor of simplistic notions of aggrandized superiority. The genie doesn’t go back in the bottle after November. Trump’s followers feel validated in their disaffection. There is nothing good that can come of that, and it will neither make their lives better, nor make America great again. It keeps us on a path to dangerous democratic decision-making regardless of the election results.

That’s what’s freaking me out. I’m sitting next to these people on planes and trains, and standing in the checkout aisle next to them at the grocery store. I don’t sense that I am part of their vision of American greatness, so perhaps I go on the hit list, too.

And you. And you. And you.

_____

This article originally appeared on The Good Men Project.

Image: Gerald Scarfe, Pink Floyd The Wall.

Learning a Different Way

HSCC 2015

The kids in this picture all wear the logos of the colleges they hope to attend. Like many of the kids you know, they dream of becoming alumni of famous universities, where they will study hard and ready themselves for a productive career. Yet there is a difference in their lives that may not be similar to that of the kids you know. Many of these kids may not have food in their refrigerator every night. Some may not even have a real place they call home. These kids didn’t get a lot of breaks coming out of the gate.

The two adults in the middle, Paulette and Henry Matson, are trying to change that by investing in their future. Paulette and Henry are friends of mine whom we recently honored for their public service, but they wouldn’t want me to talk about that. They would only want me to talk about these kids—these bright, energetic, optimistic kids who are working diligently to change their fortune. We are working with them closely to change their future. It’s a magical partnership, a journey toward hope. You might want to join us, or perhaps learn more about what we mean when we say they are Learning a Different Way.

Earlier this month I again chaired Celebrating Children, the annual gala fundraiser for Hathaway-Sycamores Child & Family Services where I also serve on the board. This year’s event was held at the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County. The program focused on our Learning Lab, where we work with at-risk youth to help them prepare for college. These kids sign a contract with us to make their lives different, to commit to their studies and ensure the lives ahead of them will be self-sufficient, fulfilled, and noble. They want a better life than the one they have now and are willing to work for it. We want to help them achieve their dreams and more.

At the event we met an incredibly inspiring individual, Alejandra Negrete. As you will learn in the short video embedded here, Alejandra never dreamed of going to college. She didn’t even know “what SATs were.” Then she met Simon Gee, founder of our Learning Lab, and in a quiet way the entire universe changed. This is her story. My words will never do it justice. Please watch this, you won’t soon forget it:

Alejandra’s triumph touched the hearts of the more than 400 people in attendance, who contributed over $300,000 in support of expanding our Learning Lab. It costs about $500 to provide annual afterschool tutoring to each student in this visionary workshop, so we know that a lot more success stories are in the works in Highland Park, California. A lot more lives will be saved from poverty simply by offering these young people a real chance to succeed, to grasp the tools they need to make it on their own. Give them a little help now and their dreams will become real through their own achievements. They want to dive into education, listen and be heard, give back to their communities. The opportunity we share is that real, that tangible. The need has never been greater, and we can make a difference.

If you’d like to join us in supporting these highly motivated kids who need our focus, attention, and love, please click here to make any contribution you can to further our work. As shown in the video, there is only one way to make a real difference, and that’s one kid at a time. Add them up, and pretty soon you change a neighborhood. Then a city. Then a society.

Dream a little. No one’s final path has to be determined at the outset. Everyone can make smarter choices when given the chance. Together we can embrace Learning a Different Way.

How to Make a Family Happen

Volunteering and serving on non-profit boards has been an integral part of my life. For the past 14 years I have been deeply involved with Hathaway-Sycamores Child and Family Services, which is one of the most expansive agencies serving  Los Angeles County. Hathaway-Sycamores will impact the lives of more than 8500 children this year through 26 innovative programs, from residential care and counseling for youth at risk to foster family placements and permanent adoptions.

Our signature fundraising event each year is called Celebrating Children. We invite all our wonderful donors and sponsors to this gathering in the fall, and for the second year we have held it in the Stadium Club at Dodger Stadium when the Dodgers play an away-game. I am the event chair as well as the MC, which gives me the privilege of working closely with our dedicated staff all year-long to bring friends together in a room filled with love. We broadcast the game on a multitude of monitors and invite a retired Dodger Great to join us. This year we welcomed the legendary Ron Cey to talk a little about his career and a lot about how the Dodgers are also rooted in community service. We then honor one  or two of our supporters with our highest service award, and this year that went to my dear friends, Annsley and George Strong, longtime contributors of their time, money, and vision to the kids and families of Southern California.

All that is wonderful, but it’s not what I really wanted to post just now. We held the event earlier this week, and as we do each year we made a short video that shows a bit of our work. This year we focused on foster care and adoption. We called this story: “How to Make a Family Happen.” The words I write will never do the mission or impact of this work justice, so please have a look:

The Gutierrez and Puccia families who appear in this video were with us at the event, and there were not a lot of dry eyes in the house. They are examples of what happens when individuals decide in their own way to make a forever family happen. These stories are powerful, and they are just two of the miracles we can help make real, to bring a touch of hope and light to a troubled world. If you want to support the kind of work exemplified here, please visit our website.

Please share this video with anyone whose life you think it might touch. There is so much work we can do to improve our communities, and it all begins with local stories of caring and success.

Together, we can make families happen.